You!

I’ll dry my tears
I don’t need your arms
I don’t need your hold
I can do this alone
You weren’t there,
You don’t know how it feels
You don’t want to be here
You should go…leave.

My heart was broken
My eyes did cry
Not for you
For it.
For the loss
For the pain
For the life
For the name


So young


These bruises bare no image of you,
My mind passing over that night
What night
Those nights
Over and over
Again and again
No stopping
Until I fell to limp to fight back
Scarred, scared, helpless.

A baby,
So young, me.
So alone,
No-one
Not even you
Dad…I don’t know how,
But yes. A call
A cry for help, you’re not there.
A want, a need, a hunger,
A joy
A life
A child
Taken away
Just like that.
No care, no love, no memory
Dead!

Nothing
Not you, not it
Just me
Alone again
This time for ever
Alone
Me.


A never ending prayer

1, 2, 3
I won’t stop counting,
The weeks
The months
The years

Always on my mind
In peace
In bliss
In happiness
You’ll be

A never ending prayer
Of sadness
Of joy
Of pain
How suddenly you left me

It’s ok, don’t cry,
I’m here
I’m sorry
You’ll always be in my heart.
I’m sad
You’re gone
I’m happy
You’re mine


I love you.


Alone

I walk into school,
you stare as I pass,
you single me out,
to the back of the class,

silently judging,
your stares tell your thoughts,
the odd little snigger,
my head, it distorts,

I know that I’m "different",
but is that so wrong?
I don’t follow the crowd,
I sing my own song,

I’m not like you,
I’m not a clone,
I am unique,
I am alone

I cant sympathize

I can't sympathize
I can't understand
No, I don't know what you're going through
Because I guess everyone is happy with me
BUT me
And I'm sick of that
And I'm sick of rejecting people
And I'm sick of people thinking I have everything figured out.
I don't know ANYTHING.
Just please, once, finally, take my word for it.

Untitled

On this night, like every other night, tears burn your eyes.
There is no longer a purpose, nor even a desire to search for one.
Familiarity, is all.
Who you cry for is inherently unimportant.
Spill over your lashes; lick up the tracks.
Taste the adversity of paralyzing fear.
Sodium lamentation without a cause hits the mahogany dinette,
and its splash lands in your coffee.
You eat, sleep, breathe painless suffering.

Drink Up My Sweet , The Game Is Over

Yes, there it goes again.
Rip, rip... I rip paper.
Snowflakes, flying everywhere.
So beautiful, like angels.

But the messages they carry
are far worse than blasts of rain.

Sweet winged angels
with souls of pure evil.
Sipping acid in the sunlight,
playing their little games
of razorblades and laughter.
Such carefree detachment...

The sudden cracking of my brain
has gone away, asleep and well.
The beating on the window of rain
puts me to rest. How fake.

The game is on and I'm a victim.
Angelic feathers tickle hearts,
They play and giggle.
...little feathery wings,
Stop tickling my life!

The blade's too sharp,
it's cold.
My blood is colder.
The sockets of my eyes are cold
and wet with dew of death.

Thick waves of life...
I'm finally alive!
I wasn't wrong, my heart is red
and red with blood!
...my head has lost its purpose,
the blood flows free.
The angels' game is finished.

But wait, they are no angels...
I see their disguise at last.
Acidic cups are empty now
and they will never sting again.
The wings were fake,
sweet buttercups were demons...

I didn't wake,
I was still dead.
Life never came.
It all stayed still.



Sitting here in darkness
This cold and solemn evening
Snow falls like tears that spill from my eyes
Making me shiver
Numbing my bones
Hardening my soul
Piercing it and letting it bleed red drops of blood
There is not a star to be seen
No moon
No light
No hope.
Just the two hands of this clock that ticks eternally
Spinning round and round with each day and
Night
Being bound by this shroud of black
This warm body floating in this cold sea
Pain and anger swimming around me
Preparing to devour me when I die
Now, I see nothing, for my eyes are shut.
Tight.
Usually open to all light, they now are closed to this misery that pounds upon this gate of mine
The sky is filled with grey clouds
Those solitary grey clouds
Those solitary grey feelings that everyone feels
No one knows about me
Everyone's asleep in their beds
While I'm out here
Maybe I can make a fire
They will see me
Flock to me
This fire, it will burn hot
Embers that will melt the snow
The icy rivers -- they will flow blue
Like those eyes I see in my head
The memory keeps me here
Thinking.
Thinking about me.
Those eyes.
That face burnt into my soul
It will never leave me
I can see it now,
Can it see me?
Lying here in vain, here on this rock
Maybe this stone has been here longer than me
Probably not.
Don't leave again
You leave like the snow in the spring
My body -- it aches from the cold
It aches from no sleep -- it aches from no love
Hoping that those eyes will find me
I am so faithful
Not letting go of this hand which holds me over a cliff
I will wait here until my blood rushes through my veins no more.
My eyes -- they are still shut
-and I will wait for you until my eyes won't be able to open